Raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, my life took a turn when I became shunned and homeless at the age of 18.  It’s been a tough journey, but I survived and built a life I’m incredibly proud of. Over the past 15 years I’ve worked with all levels of law enforcement, the justice system, and governments around the world to improve interventions and supports for survivors of domestic violence, human trafficking, and witnesses of homicide.

The recent announcements by the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses feels all too familiar.  It reminds me of the textbook tactics of power and control that I often witness in human trafficking cases.

If you’re feeling lost, angry, or even in complete agreement with the changes – know that this is a common response to abuse.  The changes are engineered to make people feel mixed emotions which is the backbone of coercion and manipulation, and a precursor to exploitation.

While many people are speculating why these changes were made, it can be summed up in two words – power and control.

The concept that, “We do not accept worse, we accept better” resonates deeply with me here.

As a former Jehovah’s Witness, my understanding of life was framed within the confines of abusive tactics – unwritten rules, fear of consequence, and being told what to do, or not. When I was shunned from my family and community, I still was not free from the legacy of the abuse I had endured.

In seeking something better, I realized my bar for “better” was set painfully low.

My personal relationships became a continuation of the control and abuse endured as a Jehovah’s Witness. Under the guise of love, I accepted (and often didn’t even recognize) abuse in my relationships. In some twisted way, the physical abuse I was enduring felt like a step up from what I had known.

The debate if the new rules are “better” or “worse” overlooks the problem.

In the context of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, yes, women can now wear slacks, men can grow beards, and the strict dress code has somewhat relaxed. The real issue lies in the dynamics of power and control that persist beneath these surface-level changes.

In my journey, I’ve learned that real change isn’t just a relaxation of rules or more modernized practices. It’s about breaking free from the fundamental cycle of abuse, and this starts with recognizing and understanding these tactics for what they are.

Below I’ve provided an oversimplified process which you can use to identify the patterns the organization is using. It’s important to note that this is a cycle rather than a straight-forward path and the phases often overlap with one another.

1. Luring

This initial phase is all about the perpetrator gathering detailed information about the target’s hopes, fears, and desires. The approach is personal and attentive, making the target feel unique and valued. The luring phase is predicated on asking questions. This makes the target feel special and like someone is genuinely interested in learning about them and building a relationship.

 Did someone you love die?  Are you afraid of the future?  Do you want to live forever? I miss you...

2. Honeymoon (Promise)

Once the perpetrator understands the target’s desires, they begin to make promises that align closely with these aspirations. This phase creates a strong sense of hope and belonging. The perpetrator provides assurances that directly target the hopes and fears previously shared.

All your worries about the future can be resolved.  You will see your dead loved ones again. You can live forever in paradise.

3. Coercion & Manipulation

In this phase, emotional manipulation comes into play. The initial affection and attention start to be replaced by confusing and mixed messages, compelling the target to comply with the perpetrator’s demands to regain the initial promises. Often the perpetrator will introduce new rules to test the target and deepen loyalty to them. Targets are rewarded when they comply while the ones who don’t are punished.

Will I die in Armageddon if I don’t follow these rules? If I don’t accept and comply, will I see my loved ones again...

4. Exploitation

The final phase involves the perpetrator exploiting the target. Here they might be tasked with recruiting others, perpetuating the cycle. Cognitive dissonance and irrational justifications are common in this phase, driven by fear, indoctrination, and resistance to consequences for disobeying.

Armageddon is near; I must prepare for the great tribulation. I’m afraid, but I believe I’m doing the right thing. Recruiting others is part of my duty...

Breaking free from the cycle of abuse is a tough journey, but it is achievable.

A critical first step in this process is recognizing and identifying the pattern of abuse. It’s important to educate yourself about power and control dynamics, and to learn to spot these tactics in your life. This knowledge is key; it empowers you to make a choice.

Recognizing the pattern of abuse and understanding how they might be manifesting in your own life, can be incredibly challenging. This is especially true when you’re deeply involved, and your emotions are intertwined with the manipulative tactics used against you. Support from others who have experienced similar situations, or from professionals, can be invaluable in gaining perspective.

Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

The value of connecting with others who have walked this path cannot be overstated. Shared experiences and insights can be incredibly enlightening and reassuring.

A resource that I personally found valuable in my healing journey is within the online community, r/exJW, on Reddit. I feel this community is a safe place for understanding, support, and resources. It’s a place where you can share your experiences anonymously and learn from others who have been in your shoes and survived.